Being and Becoming

Amarkantak , a hill station in eastern MP  ,

April 2019 . 

Nature at its highest grace . There i came across an informal discussion with some friend . The discussion was basically on beliefs etc where at a point i said , "I am not Ashutosh , Ashutosh is just my name" .  

                                 The discussion was over soon but this statement of mine stayed in my mind as it is . So over the next hours i went through a self probing as follows :-

Que - Are you human ?
Ans - I am not exactly human , human is just my species .
 
Que - then are you a man ?
Ans - I am not man , man/male is just my gender .
 
Que - then you must be hindu ; isn't it ?
Ans - I am not hindu , hindu is just my religion/ a way of life which i inherited from family / historically a person across indus river . Etc.

Que - then you must be a brahmin ?
Ans - I am not brahmin . It is a socially categorised class given to me . 

Que - You are engineer ; yes you are ; AICTE  certified , isn't it ?
Ans - No , it's just my stream of graduation .

And then that one again:-
Que - Now you are Ashutosh ; there is no denying to it . 
Ans - No , i am not Ashutosh , it's just my name .

Now the question comes , who am I ???

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Let's not go to that question directly . Because the one word answer , although profound , will not be mine , it will be someone else's . Because to genuinely answer it , a higher realization is necessary . Then only our words penetrate . To say something on it , you need to stand on a rock . A rock of some concrete realization . And most of us stand on sand at present . A wave comes and our ground is lost .

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Now , we all have experienced in our early childhood when a visiting relative asked us ," Kya banoge bade hoke ?". And we proudly answered , "Doctor banunga" or "Pilot banunga" or "Collector banunga" etc. 

                                   Although the intentions in this conversation are no doubt very good , but , the underlying mindsets are of becoming something , rather than that of being something. 

                                   We know how frequently this becoming changes its form . For a moment , we are a student , then a friend , then our name when we are called , then something else and then something else .    

                                   And if we stick our identity to a single label or status , the ego trip starts and mainitaining that status makes us do a whole lot of acts . And once a while , when an extreme situation comes all our status and labels fly away leaving us in the identity crisis or if worse , the existential crisis .

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So , if labels and status are temporary , does it mean we are like a football ??? Wandering from one label to another . From one status to another . From one role to another . From one belief to another .

                                   The answer to this is partially Yes and partially No  . Let's see.

                                   Partially Yes because  the Becoming , ie; labels , status , roles , beliefs etc , change or cease to exist time to time . But I remain in existence constantly ; my Being remains intact ; like the football remains intact , when passed from one to another . However , this type of Being , if there is at all , is almost dormant and asleep .

                                   Partially No because here the Becoming ( labels , status etc. ) is empowering the Being ; ie ; I . And due to this , I'll keep running from label to label , status to status . Because whenever a becoming ends , i'll run to find another one . Otherwise , some unknown fear comes . And thus I , our being , is heavily dependent on some sort of becoming . But being must be free of becoming.

                                   So , we can conclude that our being is constant as well as independent . And what is it that is constant and independent in this example ??? Not the football . Then what ??

                                   The Ground . 

                                   As soon we encounter the ground as the being , the foundation of all becoming , the wild running football vanishes , all the labels , status , roles and beliefs settle down to the right places where they are fruitful , not exploitative . Now we are unshakable , irrespective of whatever role or label we get . And then we are able to go for the questions of the ultimate ground ; the ground of this ground . 

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Now , coming back to the question - who am I ?

                                  So , truly , I (as everyone else) may be that reality in me who was watching all those incidents - when i was given a name , when i was given a religion , when i was given a degree , when i won a game , lost a game , in all crusts and troughs , or when i contributed as a friend or as a son or as a citizen .

                                 Then , independent of my name , religion , social status , profession and all , there is being . I am not my name nor my religious identity nor my profession nor something else to stick to . 

Now , I am .